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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28103397">Evil Mud Golems and Bananas</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokescreenK5/pseuds/smokescreenK5'>smokescreenK5</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Story Generators Are Crazy [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Legacies (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, Story generated by plot generator, idontknowwhatimdoing, runwhileyoustillcan, whatthefuckdidido</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:46:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,297</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28103397</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokescreenK5/pseuds/smokescreenK5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>SO uh... I generated a story using a story generator and had to post it so people could blink in disbelief with me.</p>
<p>Or</p>
<p>Hope Mikaelson battles Malivore with bananas and the power of gayness (aka Josie Saltzman).</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Story Generators Are Crazy [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058858</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Evil Mud Golems and Bananas</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Uhhhh enjoy?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Evil Mud Golem<br/>
A Screenplay by Jamie (constellations_stars)</p>
<p>INT. BEDROOM - AFTERNOON</p>
<p>Witty Official Salvator School Monster Hunter™ THE EMO TRIBRID HOPE MIKAELSON is arguing with insane Come Back From The Dead THE USELESS MOPHEAD LANDON KIRBY. HOPE tries to hug LANDON but he shakes her off.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Please Landon, don't leave me.</p>
<p>LANDON<br/>
I'm sorry Hope, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
I am such a person!</p>
<p>LANDON frowns.</p>
<p>LANDON<br/>
I'm sorry, Hope. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.</p>
<p>LANDON leaves.</p>
<p>HOPE sits down, looking defeated.</p>
<p>Moments later, useless Apprentice Salvator School Monster Hunter™ THE ARSONIST JOSIE SALTZMAN barges in looking flustered.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Goodness, Josie! Is everything okay?</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
I'm afraid not.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
It's ... a Mud Golem ... I saw an evil Mud Golem grope a bunch of students!</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Defenseless students?</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
Yes, defenseless students!</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Bloomin' heck, Josie! We've got to do something.</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
You can start by telling me where this happened.</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
I was...</p>
<p>JOSIE fans herself and begins to wheeze.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Focus Josie, focus! Where did it happen?</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
The forest! That's right - the forest!</p>
<p>HOPE springs up and begins to run.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS</p>
<p>HOPE rushes along the street, followed by JOSIE. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>EXT. FOREST - SHORTLY AFTER</p>
<p>MALIVORE MUDPITSGALORE an evil Mud Golem terrorizes two students.</p>
<p>HOPE, closely followed by JOSIE, rushes towards MALIVORE, but suddenly stops in her tracks.</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
What is it? What's the matter?</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
That's not just any old Mud Golem, that's Malivore MudPitsGalore!</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
Who's Malivore MudPitsGalore?</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Who's Malivore MudPitsGalore? Who's Malivore MudPitsGalore? Only the most evil Mud Golem in the universe!</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
Blinkin' knickers, Hope! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most evil Mud Golem in the universe!</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
You can say that again.<br/>
JOSIE<br/>
Blinkin' knickers, Hope! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most evil Mud Golem in the universe!</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
I'm going to need Bananas, lots of Bananas.</p>
<p>Malivore turns and sees Hope and Josie. He grins an evil grin.</p>
<p>MALIVORE<br/>
Hope Mikaelson, we meet again.</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
You've met?</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...</p>
<p>EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME</p>
<p>A young HOPE is sitting in a park listening to some jazz music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.</p>
<p>She looks up and sees MALIVORE. She takes off her headphones.</p>
<p>MALIVORE<br/>
Would you like some chocolate?</p>
<p>HOPE's eyes light up, but then he studies MALIVORE more closely, and looks uneasy.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
I don't know, you look kind of evil.</p>
<p>MALIVORE<br/>
Me? No. I'm not evil. I'm the least evil Mud Golem in the world.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Wait, you're a Mud Golem?</p>
<p>HOPE runs away, screaming.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>EXT. FOREST - PRESENT DAY</p>
<p>MALIVORE<br/>
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
(To HOPE) You ran away?</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
(To JOSIE) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?</p>
<p>HOPE turns to MALIVORE.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!</p>
<p>HOPE runs away.</p>
<p>She turns back and shouts.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with Bananas.</p>
<p>MALIVORE<br/>
I'm not scared of you.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
You should be.</p>
<p>INT. CLASSROO - LATER THAT DAY</p>
<p>HOPE and JOSIE walk around searching for something.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
I feel sure I left my Bananas somewhere around here.</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly Bananas.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
You know nothing Josie Saltzman.</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.</p>
<p>Suddenly, MALIVORE appears, holding a pair of Bananas.</p>
<p>MALIVORE<br/>
Looking for something?</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
Crikey, Hope, he's got your Bananas.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Tell me something I don't already know!</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
I know that already!</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
I like Hope and keep pictures of her under my bed that I get off to.</p>
<p>MALIVORE<br/>
(appalled) Dude!</p>
<p>While MALIVORE is looking at JOSIE with disgust, HOPE lunges forward and grabs her deadly Bananas. She wields them, triumphantly.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Prepare to die, you evil turnip!</p>
<p>MALIVORE<br/>
No please! All I did was grope a bunch of students!</p>
<p>LANDON enters, unseen by any of the others.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those students were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Hope Mikaelson defender of innocent students.</p>
<p>MALIVORE<br/>
Don't hurt me! Please!</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these Bananas on you right away!</p>
<p>MALIVORE<br/>
Because Hope, I am your father.</p>
<p>HOPE looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
No you're not!</p>
<p>MALIVORE<br/>
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.</p>
<p>MALIVORE tries to grab the Bananas but HOPE dodges out of the way.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?</p>
<p>Unexpectedly, MALIVORE slumps to the ground.</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
Did he just faint?</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly Bananas.</p>
<p>HOPE crouches over MALIVORE's body.</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
Be careful, Hope. It could be a trick.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Malivore MudPitsGalore is dead!</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
What?</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.</p>
<p>JOSIE claps her hands.</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
So your Bananas did save the day, after all.</p>
<p>LANDON steps forward.</p>
<p>LANDON<br/>
Is it true? Did you kill the evil Mud Golem?</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Landon how long have you been...?</p>
<p>LANDON puts his arm around HOPE.</p>
<p>LANDON<br/>
Long enough.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Malivore MudPitsGalore.</p>
<p>LANDON<br/>
Then the students are safe?</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
It does seem that way!</p>
<p>A crowd of vulnerable students enter, looking relieved.</p>
<p>LANDON<br/>
You are their hero.</p>
<p>The students bow to HOPE.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Malivore MudPitsGalore will never grope students ever again, is enough for me.</p>
<p>LANDON<br/>
You are humble as well as brave!</p>
<p>One of the students passes HOPE a valuable Josie Saltzman's Magic In A Ring</p>
<p>LANDON<br/>
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
I couldn't possibly.</p>
<p>Pause.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Well, if you insist.</p>
<p>HOPE takes the Josie Saltzman's Magic In A Ring.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Thank you.</p>
<p>The students bow their heads once more, and leave.</p>
<p>HOPE turns to LANDON.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Does this mean you want me back?</p>
<p>LANDON<br/>
Oh, Hope, of course I want you back!</p>
<p>HOPE smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Well you can't have me.</p>
<p>LANDON<br/>
WHAT?</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a Mud Golem to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.</p>
<p>LANDON<br/>
But...</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Josie.</p>
<p>JOSIE grins.</p>
<p>LANDON<br/>
But...</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!</p>
<p>LANDON<br/>
Hope?</p>
<p>HOPE<br/>
I'm sorry Landon, but I think you should skidaddle.</p>
<p>LANDON leaves.</p>
<p>JOSIE turns to HOPE.</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?<br/>
HOPE<br/>
Of course not silly! I'm your girlfriend now!</p>
<p>The two walk off arm in arm.</p>
<p>Suddenly JOSIE stops.</p>
<p>JOSIE<br/>
When I said I liked you and keep pictures of you under my bed, you know I was just trying to distract the Mud Golem don't you?</p>
<p>THE END</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>what the fuck did i just unleash into the world</p></blockquote></div></div>
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